The Count's World 16: A Fawful Affliction
by The Great Allie
Summary: Tired of wandering aimlessly after his loss in "Bowser's Inside Story," Fawful comes to stay at Castle Bleck. He needs a chance to prove that he can be a good guy, but the person he really needs to prove it to his himself.
1. 16 dash 1

A scrawny-legged, black shadow bug came crawling up the path to Castle Bleck. His whirly glasses were cracked, his legs kinked, and his large mouth turned down. He couldn't walk in a straight line- instead he skittered to one side of the path, and when he hit the edge he readjusted himself. Then he staggered forward until he hit the other side of the path.

Presently he reached the door, lifted one leg, and knocked, then knocked again.

Over in the yard, Charlotte looked up, sniffing the air. She looked around, scanning the landscape, and spotted the visitor on the doorstep. The feisty chain chomp gnashed her teeth excitedly and began to charge.

The visitor jumped. "Ack! No! Bad chompy! Fawful is not delicious dog biscuits to be snacked on as a treat!" He pounded on the door. "Open please! Help Fawful!"

Count Bleck opened the door. "Hello?"

"Down here!" Fawful squawked.

Count Bleck saw Fawful, saw Charlotte charging, scooped up Fawful, and closed the door just before Charlotte snapped her mighty jaws shut on the space above the step.

Inside, Count Bleck stood in the foyer with Fawful huddled in the crook of his arm and his back pressed against the door after such a close call. Fawful looked up at Count Bleck admiringly. With awe, he said, "You saved Fawful from being the greasy bacon flipped out of the sizzling fry-pan and into the burning hot fire of cooking. I have relief!"

Count Bleck stared at Fawful blankly. After a pause, he said slowly, "Hello, I am Count Bleck."

"Oh, Fawful knows of you and all your deeds," Fawful chirped. "Count Bleck is a man of greatness."

"And you are...?"

"Fawful, of course."

"I see."

"Fawful came to Count Bleck because his greatness may be enough to un-toss the salad that Fawful has inadvertently made for himself, with vegetables of pain and dressing of misery."

"... Count Bleck has no idea what you're talking about."

"Please repair Fawful's salad."

Luckily for Count Bleck, Mr. L came up the hall, singing aimlessly until he got to the front door. "Excuse me," he said to Count Bleck. "I need to use the door."

Count Bleck smiled. "You're just in time."

"Why?" Mr. L was suspicious.

"This creature was just asking for our help. Go ahead, tell him." He gave Fawful a little jostle.

"Fawful was explaining how the mustard of doom exploded back upon himself and how he must untoss this salad of misery."

Mr. L stared at him for a beat. Then he said, "Hello, Fawful."

"You know this creature?" Count Bleck perked up, noticing the familiarity in Mr. L's tone.

"Yeah. He's a talking bean man who temporarily took over the Mushroom Kingdom with the Blorbs. He got like this after he got sucked up and merged with the Dark Star and me and my bro fought him inside Bowser."

Count Bleck rubbed the inside of his unseen ear with his finger. "Has Count Bleck suffered a stroke, and is no longer able to understand language?"

Fawful squinted up at Mr. L. "Green moustache?" he said tentatively.

"I go by 'Green Thunder' here."

"Oh, that Fawful must come and beg at the table like a dog for delicious scraps only to find seated at the table his greatest enemy, who keeps then all the scraps for himself. I have fury!" Fawful squirmed in Count Blecks' arms, his eyes stinging with tears of anger.

"Hey, calm down," said Mr. L. "I'll give you scraps. I'll give you the whole sandwich."

"Fawful wants to be himself again," Fawful said, through his tears. "To have a long cape and marvelous headgear adorning his body of beanishness. Then Fawful will behave himself. This is a promise from Fawful that is given to you."

Mr. L looked at Count Bleck. "Fafwul used to be a person. He wants his body back. He promises to be good."

Count Bleck lifted up Fawful and squinted at him from his monocle. "Well. I think I need a bit more information on the subject before I can decide if there's anything I can do to help."

"I'll tell you!" Fawful chirped. "Many, many moons ago Fawful was a mighty bean who was to take the Mushroom Kingdom as his own delicious repast-"

Count Bleck interrupted: "I need more information from somebody Count Bleck can understand."

"Fawful has apologies."

"I was there," said Mr. L. "I'll explain it all to you. Come on. Let's go to the Explaining Chamber."

"Very well," agreed Count Bleck. "Wait, Explaining Chamber?"

* * *

The Explaining Chamber, it turns out, was the meeting room. However, as Mr. L was the one doing the explaining, he was standing on Count Bleck's usual pedestal, with the Beige Prognosticus tucked under his arm. Count Bleck stood on O'Chunks's normal pedestal, and Fawful was sitting pitifully on Dimentio's pedestal.

Count Bleck looked around the room. "I've never seen the room from quite this angle before, mused Count Bleck. It's very unusual."

"I kind of like it up here," said Mr. L. "It makes me feel all powerful and important."

"Fawful is confused as to his location," said Fawful.

"Let me bring the Count up to speed real quick," said Mr. L. "Okay. So basically it's like this: Me and my bro Mario were at this meeting in the Mushroom Kingdom one day to figure out what to do about the Blorbs. The Blorbs were a really gross disease that you got from eating bad mushrooms. It turns out that Fawful was the one who was giving everyone the Blorb shrooms because that would help him get the Dark Star and become super-mega powerful. Somehow. I'm not sure how that was supposed to work. But it almost did! Me and Mario and also Bowser all got together and fought him. Then he merged with the Dark Star and we fought him again, only harder. Then he exploded. The end." Though he hadn't been reading from the Beige Prognosticus, he had opened it somewhere during that speech and now he closed it conclusively.

Count Bleck still looked confused.

"Did you get any of that?" asked Mr L.

"Most of it, yes, said Count Bleck. He turned to Fawful and asked, is this true? Have you anything to say in counter?"

"Oh, how Fawful wishes he could say it is all lies, vile lies told to punish Fawful in his greatness! But if he said that, then he himself would be telling lies. Such is the pot of boiling soup that dares insult the iron outer coating of the kettle filled with delicious soothing tea! It's all true," he finished. "All of it."

"... I see."

"Since then Fawful has been alone and cold like the last cube of ice huddled in the back of the freezer. Long has he been wandering, but the monsters of the world peck at him and try to eat him up! No! Fawful will not become their dinner! Instead he perseveres; he travels far and wide and hears stories of the great Count Bleck, who was once upon a time not so great. So he slips through dimensions in a crafty way until finally he finds this castle! And that's the story of up to now."

There was a long silence.

Finally, Count Bleck clapped his hands. "I'm done."

"Wh-" Fawful looked shocked. "You won't... help?"

"I would love to," said Count Bleck, "but the problem is... how can I put this... that sentence you just said? That's the only one I've understood since I met you."

"Fawful could... talk a bit slower, he supposes."

"That's a start. But even if I could restore your body, why would Count Bleck do such a thing for someone who has just admitted that he used to be a servant and then an enforcer of evil? That is, if he could not be one hundred percent sure that you're telling the truth when you say you'll behave yourself."

"You must!" Fawful's eyes began to tear up. "Fawful has been a lackey where he worked with much toiling for the advancement of another. Then Fawful has been a boss where he does his own planning for the advancement of himself. Both of those endeavors brought only misery in the end. Now Fawful wants only to live in peace. Only he cannot live this way, defenseless as a pile of carrots among rabbits! There must be making him whole to happen!"

Mr. L raised his hand. "Oh! Oh! I'll do it!"

"Do what?" Both Fawful and Count Bleck asked.

"I'll make sure Fawful is a good guy," said Mr. L. "I'll introduce him around to everybody and make sure everyone understands him, and find out how we can put his life back together." He tilted his head. "Or, if he's still evil, I'll put him in the incinerator."

"No! Do not force me to become the ashes of finality!" Fawful yelped.

Mr. L waved his hand. "I'm just kidding," he said lightly. "Don't be so nervous."

"Now is a bad time to be telling such unhilarious jokes!"

"Okay. You've had a rough time, haven't you?"

Count Bleck moved over to Fawful's stand and picked him up. Then he teleported over to Mr. L and put Fawful's little bean head in Mr. L's arms. "I'm entrusting him to you," said Count Bleck. "Do all those things that you said, and let me know of your progress."

"You can count on me!" Mr. L saluted Count Bleck.

"Oh, I have joy!" Fawful cried.

* * *

On the other side of the castle, Nastasia was cleaning out the pantry in the back of the kitchen. She had an enormous trash bag next to her and was stuffing it full of rotten fruit, moldy mushes, and boxes of things long past their expiration dates. When Count Bleck appeared to check on her, he was impressed to see that there was more food in the trash than on the shelves.

"Yeah, we should have done this sooner," said Nastasia when she saw Count Bleck.

"Goodness," said Count Bleck. He picked up the trash bag and tied it shut. "I'll take this to the Trash Dimension for you."

"Thanks. Oh, and just an FYI? I made a memo of all the things we're completely out of. Might want to get some of the minions on that."

Count Bleck found the list sitting on a shelf near the pantry door. He looked it over, a bit surprised. "Mushrooms? We're out of mushrooms."

"Remember when our castle was turned into a factory for Machine Mades? That was the last time we went out for mushrooms. They've all turned into dried shrooms. Our fungus has fungus on it."

"How disgusting," said Count Bleck, before he teleported to the Trash Dimension.

* * *

That evening, Mimi, Dimentio, and O'Chunks were in the recreation room, relaxing and having fun. Dimentio was reading quietly, O'Chunks was seeing which things he could bench press, and Mimi was sewing a new dress. That was when Mr. L brought Fawful in to meet them.

"Hey, everyone," said Mr. L. "I want you to meet someone." He held up Fawful.

Mimi looked up. "Gross."

O'Chunks put the pool table down and looked at the odd little bean. "Well, isn't that... eh, what is it, ezzactly?"

"This is Fawful, everyone. Fawful, this is O'Chunks, our muscle; Mimi, the fashionable shapeshifter; and Dimentio, some sort of evil jester."

"Charmed." Dimentio didn't lower his book.

"Fawful is as pleased as a cool and refreshing bowl of punch at a festive party to be meeting all of you."

"Yeah, pleased te'h make yer aquaintence, li'l guy." O'Chunks held out a huge, burly hand. Fawful put one of his skinny, spindly spider legs out. Surprisingly delicately, O'Chunks closed his fist and shook Fawful's hand.

"Such gentleness a mighty fist of crushing can have," said Fawful, surprised, as he took his hand back. "Never would Fawful have guessed that a fist as mighty as the one attached to this arm could be capable of such delicate holding... and yet here it is!"

"Well, thanks!" O'Chunks smiled.

Mr. L made a mildly surprised face at O'chunks. "You can understand him?"

"He's not so hard to understand," said O'Chunks.

"The Count doesn't get a word that comes out of his mouth."

Mr. L and O'Chunks laughed.

"Hi," said Mimi. "What are you?"

"Fawful is Beanish."

"Oh, cool! I have a pet beanlet. Her name's Felicie."

"It would please Fawful greatly to meet this beanlet."

"She's sleeping in my room," said Mimi. "I'll bring her down later."

Mr. L carried Fawful over to Dimentio. Dimento stayed where he was, reclining on the couch, nose buried in his book. He pointedly ignored Mr. L and Fawful for several long moments as they stood there silently, watching him. Dimentio lowered his book and looked at them, Fawful's face set in its usual permanent grin, and Mr. L smiling as well. Then he picked the book back up.

"Dimentio, say hello to Fawful."

"I will not," said Dimentio. "I'm reading a very fascinating book."

"You're reading a medical dictionary," said Mr. L.

"Why yes, yes I am. Please leave me be."

"Why won't you be social?"

Dimentio slammed the book shut. "Because my hatred for this little bean burns like the magma of a thousand volcanos erupted and blanketing the jungle with ash and fire."

Fawful looked up at Mr. L.

"Oh, come on," said Mr. L. "You guys have a lot in common, you know. You both used to work for a main bad guy, but ended up being villains in your own right."

"Fawful worked loyally for Cackletta," Fawful explained, "even though it was through his genius that she was allowed to shine bright like the very star they were stealing. When she became defeated Fawful realized that he had no needing of Cackletta for it was on his shoulders she was able to rise like souffle."

"Yeah," said Mr. L. "And you worked for Count Bleck so that we would get rid of him so you would be free to unleash chaos."

"Don't compare me to him. I'm nothing like him. Count Bleck was always just the mustard on the hot dog. I was pulling the strings all along."

"Yeah, well, the strings got cut a long time ago and you need to get over it."

"I am," said Dimentio. "In fact it is such that I have gotten over it that I am now attempting to read in peace." He opened the book again and found his place. "Fascinating," he said a bit loudly. "I'm reading an interesting entry on Bean Fever. It seems that the disease can only be contracted by foreigners, upon which they turn into a bean. It has been hypothesized that the current residents of Beanbean Kingdom were of another species and contracted the disease when they immigrated to the valley, eventually creating a new race of bean creatures."

Fawful cocked his head. "I have interest," he said. Then he hopped out of Mr. L's arms and landed on the arm of the couch where Dimentio was resting his head. "Fawful dabbles in diseases himself and the invention of such things."

Dimentio glanced at him. "Oh?"

"Yes. The finest creation from his genius was the Blorbs and his glorious Blorb Mushroom."

Mimi squealed suddenly. "Aww! Look how cute Dimmie and Fawful are sittin' on the couch with their book!"

Dimentio sat up. "Please never imply that I am cute in the company of someone else," he said quickly. "It makes me very uncomfortable!"

"Fawful's body was cute. That is why he has been questing greatly to get it back."

"What did you look like?" asked Mimi.

"Well..." Fawful sighed and began to reminisce. "An ordinary sort of bean, though unrivaled in his handsomeness and with this same great big grin that now is talking and describing to you. Fawful's cape was broad and glorious and imperial."

Meanwhile, Mr. L was sketching on some paper from the rec room desk. He showed what he had to Mimi. "He looked kind of like this," he explained.

"Ohhhh..." Mimi nodded knowingly. "You mean like... this?" In a puff of thick purple smoke, Mimi transformed. In a moment, Fawful found himself facing himself- a small bean man hiding in a big red cape.

Fawful seemed to frown slightly, as best one with a grin as wide as his could manage. "Yes," he said hesitantly, "only much more handsomely."

"Creepy," said Mr. L. "You look exactly like him."

"Minus handsome," Fawful added urgently.

"Aw, don't worry about it," said O'Chunks, nudging Fawful. "She never gets me beard right when she turns into me."

O'Chunks, Mimi, and Mr. L laughed heartily. Fawful looked at them, one at a time, and then he started to laugh, too.

They all had a wonderful time that night. Mimi put her dress aside and started sewing a small cape that could fit around Fawful's head. O'Chunks, with Mimi's permission, retrieved Felicie, who was excited to see another beanish creature. They played on the ground, the others sometimes watching, sometimes joining in.

Count Bleck brought Tippi down to see. "Isn't it wonderful?" he asked her as they stood outside the doorway looking in.

"It looks nice," said Tippi. "Do you think this means that Fawful won't be using us just to get his body back so he can return to his evil ways?"

"I do," said Count Bleck. "I've been watching him and reading up on him. I think he was really telling the truth, that he just wants to live his life."

"Give it a few days," said Tippi.

"Oh, I will," agreed Count Bleck, nodding quickly. "I've no intention of rushing into anything. Though I do hate to keep the poor fellow waiting, at least here he won't be at risk of being eaten up by everything bigger than him. Which is unfortunately just everything." He paused. Then: "Would you please make sure Charlotte is on her chain?"

"Of course, dear." Tippi disappeared.

Count Bleck tapped on the door frame with the jewel of his cane. "Knock knock," he said.

The minions and Fawful stopped playing and looked up.

"I do hate to bring an end to such fun times," said Count Bleck, "but I'm going to be sending you out on a mission tomorrow morning and I would like it very much if you were well-rested for it. You'll need to be up bright and early."

"In other words, bedtime," Mr. L said.

"Thank you for being so understanding," said Count Bleck. "Mr. L, could you fix up a place for Fawful to sleep in you room?"

"Ah! Fawful will be bunking with a most hated enemy, only as a dear and entreated friend. What a wonderful treat of Turkish delight fate has brought."

"Thanks," said Mr. L as he picked him up. They started walking to the door. "You're pretty cool, too."


	2. 16 dash 2

Mr. L's room was small and sparse, as he only lived in Castle Bleck part-time. Whenever Mario was out on an adventure and he left Luigi behind, he simply put on his black overalls and mask and called someone from Castle Bleck to transport him there. Mario was often leaving Luigi behind when he went out on exciting adventures, and even when Luigi did get to go along he was often pushed to the back and forced to stand in his brother's shadow. As Mr. L, though, he was in no man's shadow. Nobody would compare him to anybody else or push him aside to see someone more famous.

His room, then, held nothing indicative of his other life. If one were to guess the identity of the occupant just by looking in the room, "Brother of Super Mario" would not be on the list of guesses one would come up with. This room had a style that was all Luigi's- no, this room had a style that was all Mr. L's.

Mr. L got a blanket out of the hall closet and made a sort of nest out of it and an extra pillow from his bed for Fawful. "How's that?" he asked.

Fawful inspected it, then crawled in. "Such coziness gives Fawful great relaxation," he said with a contented sigh.

"Glad you like it." Mr. L climbed into bed.

"The Monocle said that this was the room belonging to 'Mr. L,' yes?"

"Yeah," said Mr. L.

"Then, Green Moustache is living no longer with his red counterpart?"

Mr. L thought briefly of all those points about his room and his double life, but decided that was too complicated. "Nah, I go back there sometimes." How weird, he thought. I said I go back there sometimes, not I come here sometimes.

Fawful snuggled up tight in his blanket nest. "Thank you," he said. "Thank you for the generous gift you have given Fawful, the gift of forgiveness which is as sweet as the syrup that dribbles down the sides of a stack of buttery, fluffy pancakes of regret."

"Stop talking," said Mr. L, "you're making me hungry."

"Sorry."

It didn't take long for them to fall asleep. Fawful was worn out after his long day, and the many long and trying days that had come before it. Soon he was deep in dreaming, a dream that was full of hope for happier times and excitement about what was to come. Also, lots of food.

However, Fawful was very used to being easy prey, and as such he was programmed to fully awaken at the slightest noise, for fear that it was danger. Mr. L gave a loud snore sometime in the middle of the night, and suddenly Fawful was as awake and alert as if it was high noon.

He rubbed his eyes under his glasses with his skinny spindles and looked around. Then, as long as he was up, he tottered over to the door and into the hallway to search for a place to get a drink of water.

When he got to the end of a long, dark hallway, he stopped. Here he could turn left or right, but he was a little afraid to go wandering too far and then not being able to find his way back to Mr. L's room. As he was standing and deciding just how thirsty he was, Dimentio appeared out of thin air right above him.

"Good morning," said Dimentio.

Fawful squawked. "Ack! Evil jester!"

"Dimentio, please," said Dimentio. "And what are you doing at this hour?"

"A great thirst awakened Fawful and urged him to find a light and refreshing drink to soothe him back into dreams."

Dimentio nodded. Then he disappeared, and reappeared a moment later holding a bowl full of water. "Here you go," he said, putting the bowl on the floor. "I daresay you have trouble managing cups or glasses these days, eh?"

"Yes," said Fawful, and began to drink.

"You know," said Dimentio, as if a thought were just coming to him, "I think I'm uniquely suited to understand the situation you're in. What Mr. L said is true. I was a henchman turned boss turned good- well, more or less. I'm definitely not evil. More... chaotic neutral, I suppose? Until something better comes along."

"Oh?" Fawful looked interested, though he was still drinking.

"Yes. So believe me, I know what it's like to want to turn your life around, and to want other people to believe that you are indeed turning your life around. But it isn't easy. I won't lie to you, my friend. There are some days when you just don't want to put in the effort to be someone you're not."

"Fawful isn't going to be someone he isn't," Fawful protested. "Fawful will be only himself."

"Yes, but if you're going to be yourself now, then you weren't being yourself before."

"... No, Fawful is only Fawful, and always was and will be."

"Oh, don't get me wrong," said Dimentio. "It's possible. I wouldn't know from experience, as every villain I know who tried to be good instead turned back to their evil ways in time. Even myself, it's a daily struggle not to open up a hole of chaos and destroy this dimension and everything else in it. There will be some days like that for you, my friend, when you just want to take a whole pile of mushrooms and infect the populace with those Blorbs you came up with. Nothing you do as a good guy will ever come close to the magnificent deeds you accomplished in the glory days. You must also terminate all contact with people you know, dear friends though they may be. You'll have nothing in common with them anymore, and maintaining contact with them will only encourage you to return to your old ways. Making new friends is never easy no matter who you are, so it will get very lonely. People just won't be impressed by mild-mannered behavior. Not to mention the girl of your dreams will reject you. Three times." Dimentio laughed. "Ah ha ha ha ha... oh, well, such is life. If you require the use of the lavatory, you'll find it at the far end of the hallway, opposite the room in which you're staying. Now I must depart, like the last flock of geese searching for a warmer climate to spend the long, dreary winter. Ciao!" And he disappeared.

Fawful sat alone in the dark hallway in front of an empty bowl. His large grin was again turned upside down as he was left with only the company of his worries.

* * *

The next morning, Mr. L woke up, stretched, and said, "Good morning Fawful." He looked down at the nest where he'd left Fawful, but found the nest empty. "Fawful?"

He got out of bed, threw his robe on, and stepped out into the hallway. "Hello? Anyone up? Where's Fawful?"

A tiny voice at the end of the hall called out pitifully, "Hello, yes."

Mr. L found Fawful sitting down at the end of the hallway next to an empty ceramic bowl and looking very distressed. Mr. L knelt down beside Fawful and rubbed his head. "Hey, guy. What are you doing up?"

Fawful looked up at Mr. L. He looked extremely worried, and also quite tired. "Fawful is puzzling through a most difficult conundrum that has been presented upon a silver platter to him. It is a most difficult thought to work through."

"Oh. Well, you wanna go back to bed? You look really tired."

"Yes. But first Fawful must pay a visit to the bathroom."

"Okay. It's just down the hall-"

"Yes, Fawful has been made aware of the location of the room which he is currently needing."

"Oh. Uh, okay. I'm gonna go meet the Count. Will you be okay by yourself?"

"Yes." Fawful nodded. Then he wobbled down the hallway on legs that had clearly fallen asleep from being sat on wrong. Mr. L watched him go, a little concerned. He wondered if he ought to go after him, but he didn't want to leave the Count waiting for him. He went to the meeting room where Count Bleck was already waiting with O'Chunks and Mimi.

"Whoops," he said, hopping up onto his pedestal. "Am I late?"

"No," said Count Bleck. "You're right on time. Dimentio is late."

"I don't want to dilly dally all day waiting for 'im to get around to showing his face," said O'Chunks. "If he ain't on time, that usually means he ehn't comin'."

"That's right," said Count Bleck. "He can do whatever he wants, Count Bleck cares not. I'll give you your mission briefing, and if Dimentio is coming, I trust you'll bring him up to speed. Oh, by the way, Mr. L, where is your little charge?"

"He was awake all night sitting in the hallway so I sent him to bed," said Mr. L. "He'll be fine."

Count Bleck raised a brow but didn't press it. Mr. L was in charge of Fawful, so it was his call to leave him alone.

"So what's the mission?" asked O'Chunks. "Where we be spreadin' the glory of the Count's wondrous new world?"

"Wherever you want, as long as you come back with groceries."

"... Groceries?" Mimi asked flatly.

"Yes. We are running very low on provisions. Nastasia has provided each of you with a list and you must travel across dimensions to many different stores to retrieve them all. Except the mushrooms- you must pick them wild, as the best mushrooms can only be found in the Forest Maze."

"You're always sending us to the maze to get mushrooms," said Mimi. "What's so great about the mushrooms that grow there?"

"They are delicious and plentiful," Count Bleck explained.

"Okay, but if someone starts shooting paralyzing arrows, I'm outta there."

"Understandable. Should someone begin shooting arrows that cause total paralysis, you have my permission to retreat and purchase mushrooms from a nearby item shop." He narrowed his eyes. "But don't just lie and say that's what happened so you can buy mushrooms and skip the maze, because Count Bleck will know."

"Fine, fine," Mimi said with an annoyed groan. "We'll go get your precious maze mushrooms."

"Thank you," said Count Bleck. "But feel free to destroy evil and bring light to the corrupt worlds if you see the opportunity anytime while you're out."

"Don't need to tell me twice," said O'Chunks. "Chunks away!"

"Good luck," said Count Bleck, and he saw his minions off.

When they were gone, he went up to Mr. L's room and found Fawful cuddled up in his nest. Fawful looked very tired, but he wasn't asleep. "Good morning," said Count Bleck. "Did you sleep well?"

"Fawful slept not at all, for his mind was filled with worry."

Count Bleck sat down on the edge of Mr. L's bed. "Worry, huh? I understand that."

"Last night the purple and yellow one descended bearing a bowl of refreshment but he filled the waxy ears of Fawful with stories that gave fear and hopelessness."

"... Don't let Dimentio get you down," said Count Bleck, taking his best guess for Fawful's sake. "I used to be bad, too. But now I'm quite good." He left out the fact that he had been good in the first place, for Fawful's sake.

"But how will Fawful know for sure that his heart is what his brain is telling him it is?"

"Give it time," said Count Bleck, hoping that his statement was applicable to what Fawful just said. "The answer will come when the time is right."

"... Thank you for your words of reassuring. Fawful will consider deeply all the things he has been told. Now sleep is needed to recharge his efforts to becoming goodness."

Count Bleck blinked. "I'm sorry, I didn't understand what you just said."

"Sleep. Me. Now."

"Ah. Thank you for the translation." He stood up. "I'll leave you to it." Certain that all of the current residents of his castle were accounted for and taken care of, he left Fawful to his dreams.

In the hallway, Count Bleck bumped into Dimentio when he appeared right in front of him. Dimentio was glaring at him with such anger that it seemed this look would cause Count Bleck to drop dead on the spot.

"Hello. I see you chose not to attend today's mission briefing," Count Bleck said pleasantly.

Dimentio narrowed his eyes. "Exactly how long have you been using my beautiful Dimension D as a refuse heap?"

"I'm not sure," said Count Bleck. "Several months, at least. That place must not be very important to you anymore, or you surely would have noticed."

Dimentio pointed warningly at Count Bleck. Then he disappeared.

* * *

The Forest Maze was much less hostile than the last time the minions went mushroom-picking, and there was no trouble at all. And as long as you didn't go into the underground caves, none of the mushrooms would suddenly start attacking you. Not that they would mind a little excitement, but having nothing go wrong was a pleasant change.

So it was that they returned to Castle Bleck only a few short hours after departing, each one carrying baskets filled to the point of overflowing with delicious red mushrooms.

"We're home!" Mimi called out, holding the basket up over her head.

O'Chunks, who was carrying three baskets on each arm, waved grandly. Mushrooms went flying. "We got lots o- Oh. Well, a little dirt won't hurt nobody."

"Gross," said Mimi. She put her basket down and began picking up O'Chunks's mess. O'Chunks eased his baskets off his arm and helped her scoop them up.

Count Bleck appeared in the entryway. "Wonderful," he said, grinning. "Now, take them to the pantry and put them in the Mushroom Bin. But if there are any dried 'shrooms on the bottom, please take them out and throw them away. Nastasia may have missed one or two. It's a deep bin."

"Yeah," said Nastasia, stepping out from behind Count Bleck. "There's a dimensional fault running down the center of it, creating an extra pocket of space in a conical shape down the middle. The bin has more space on the inside than is possible looking from the outside."

"Good to know," said Count Bleck. "That means you didn't get too many mushrooms."

Mr. L, his mouth full of mushroom, nodded. "Oh. Then I guess I didn't need to keep eating these so that they would fit in the bin when we got back."

"Well, no, I suppose you didn't."

Mr. L looked at the half-eaten mushroom in his hand, and then ate the rest of it. "No regrets," he said. "I'm gonna go check on Fawful."

Mr. L excused himself from the group and went up to his room. There he found Fawful, curled up and asleep right on the center of his bed. He looked so snug and peaceful that Mr. L didn't want to disturb him. Quietly as he could, he got a clean pair of black overalls and white gloves from his closet, and went to change in the bathroom down the hall.

Dinner that night was mostly fried mushrooms, seasoned and spiced to perfection. Count Bleck called all of his minions to dinner and they ate a hearty meal together, talking and laughing. After they finished, Mr. L made up a plate and took it back up to his room.

Fawful was sitting on the bed, reading the medical dictionary Dimentio had the night before. "Oh, hello, Green Moustache Thunder," he said.

"Still puzzling out your conundrum?" Mr. L set the plate on the bed next to Fawful.

Fawful shook his head slightly (as shaking his head was essentially shaking his whole body.) "Fawful is taking a break of relaxation to ease the throbbing in his brain which his fried like two delicious eggs."

"Hungry?"

"At this moment, no."

"Oh. Then I'll move this plate over here." He put it over on his desk.

"Thank you."

Mr. L fixed up Fawful's nest on the floor. "There," he said proudly. "Good for another night."

He sat down on his bed and leaned over Fawful's shoulder. "Read anything good lately?"

"Just brushing up on essentials," replied Fawful. "Fawful has been outside the hoop for a longish time."

And with that, Fawful and Mr. L spent a quiet evening relaxing. Fawful didn't worry, though he hadn't come any closer to an answer than he had been that morning. Sometimes it helps to just take a break from worrying, if you can.


	3. 16 dash 3

"EEEEYAAAAAH!"

Mr. L sat bolt upright in bed. "What's wrong?! Fire?! Boo buddies?! Boo buddies on fire?!" He was already out of bed and in the hallway before he finished talking, and clearly before he was fully awake.

Mimi came tearing down the hall. Mr. L caught her as she streaked past, and picked her up by the shoulders. "What's wrong? Were you screaming?"

"What? Of course I was screaming!" she cried. "Look at me!"

Mr. L took a good look at her face. It was covered in reddish spots. "Ew. You got some sort of dino pox or something?"

"I'm green all over!" she wailed.

"You're always green, Mimi."

"I'm always chartreuse," Mimi shot back. "Now I'm- I'm- i'm bottle green, or Brunswick green or something!"

"... you are darker," Mr. L agreed.

"And these spots!" she continued frantically. "They're some awful fuchsia or magenta or something! They don't go with any of my outfits! You're lucky! Black goes with everything! Just take off your hat and bandana and have a picnic!"

Mr. L dropped Mimi and grabbed his face. "What, me too?"

"Duh! Go make friends with a mirror! I have some world-class fashion panicking to do!" She transformed into a Koopa Troopa, but the normally yellow skin of that body was now also green with spots. "Aaah! There's no escape!" And she ran down the hall, flailing and transforming from one green-spotted shape to another.

POOF! Buzzy Beetle. "Why-"

POOF! Pokey. "Can't-"

POOF! Goomba. "I-"

POOF! Yoshi. "Be-"

POOF! Rex. "Cute?!"

By now Fawful had joined Mr. L in the hall.

"Mimi panics easily," said Mr. L. "Is my face green?"

Fawful looked up and squinted. "Yes."

"Rats."

Nastasia came down the hall next. Her skin, too, was green and spotted. "Did Mimi come panicking this way?" she asked calmly.

"Yep. She went that way."

"Good. I'm going after her. Be a lamb and head on down to the meeting room, would you? Count Bleck is waiting with the others."

* * *

Mr. L carried Fawful to the meeting room, where Count Bleck, Tippi, O'Chunks, and Dimentio already were. O'Chunks was green and spotted all over. Count Bleck's face was also green and spotted. Even Tippi was no longer rainbow-colored, instead the same sickly spotted color everyone else seemed to be (Unless you're imagining her the way I draw her, the manga way, in which case her wings are still rainbow-colored and her yellow body is green and spotted.) Only Dimentio seemed unaffected.

"So I guess that's not your face after all," said Mr. L.

Dimentio laughed. "Either that or I'm not sick."

"We're sick?" Mr. L was mildly surprised.

"Yes." Dimentio nodded. "I was just reading about this in my medical dictionary the other night. It's called the Splotchia."

"Ah. So you are sick."

"Don't think you can trick me with clever wordplay, Mr. L," said Dimentio.

Nastasia entered, carrying Mimi in a bear hug. She was no longer flailing or squirming. Nastasia plopped her down with the rest of them. "Are we all here now?"

Count Bleck did a headcount. "Yes. Yes, we are." He clapped his hands together. "So. What's happening. Ideas. Go."

"We all caught Splotchia from each other," said Dimentio.

"No!" Fawful yelped. "No, Splotchia cannot be passed from person to person in that way. It comes by a thing that becomes absorbed or ingested by you."

"What thing?" asked O'Chunks.

"It could be anything," said Fawful.

"So it's environmental," said Count Bleck thoughtfully.

Mimi pointed to Fawful. "What makes you immune?"

"Nothing can be immune," Fawful replied defensively.

"That's true," Dimentio agreed. "Even had I not read it, the fact that all of us are very different biologically and yet all show the same symptoms should be enough to suggest that Fawful simply hasn't come in contact with whatever caused this."

"Precisely!" Fawful chirped.

O'Chunks scratched his head. "Eh? But Fawful's been' livin' 'ere for two days now. Drinkin' our water, breathin' our air, eatin' our food... what have we done that he didn't?"

Just then Fawful's stomach gave a loud growl. "Oops. Fawful was so distracted he did not make time for delicious meals yesterday."

Count Bleck pounded his fist into his palm.

"The mushrooms," said Nastasia, Tippi, and Mimi all at the same time.

"I'm sorry," Mimi said sweetly, "and who was it that wanted to go to the store instead?"

"Number of meals eaten at Castle Bleck involving mushrooms from the Forest Maze that resulted in Splotchia: One. Number of meals eaten at Castle Bleck involving mushrooms from the Forest Maze that did not result in any illness whatsoever...?" Count Bleck prompted.

Mimi kept her mouth shut.

"2,495," said Nastasia.

"Thank you, Nastasia," said Count Bleck.

"Okay," said Mimi, defeated. "So besides turning all ugly Hunter green- oh, yeah, once I got into better light I could see that we're Hunter green with fuchsia spots- anyway, besides being ugly what are the symptoms?"

"You should find out right about..." Dimentio pulled out a comically oversized pocket watch from another dimension.

The room seemed to rumble.

"...nnnnnnn..."

The wall burst open and three bizarre viruses burst through.

"...now." Dimentio closed the watch and put it away.

"Woooo!" The viruses, landed right in the middle of the room. They were no bigger than a goomba, but they still commanded the attention of the whole room.

"I'm Fever!" the red one shouted. He snapped his fingers, and suddenly everyone with Splotchia in the room started to feel uncomfortably hot.

"I'm Chills!" the blue one shouted. He snapped his fingers and the hot was replaced with cold.

"And I'm Weird!" The yellow one tumbled once over the ground and, with a swoop of his arms, caused everyone to change size with the person next to them and back again.

"We're the Virus Brothers," said Fever, "and this place is ours now!"

The Virus Bros stood at the center of a circle formed by Count Bleck and those. "All right," Fever announced. "We are now the owners of the castle, and you now have to do whatever we say."

"Fat chance," said Mr. L.

"If you don't," Fever continued, "you'll find out what the other symptoms of Splotchia are. Shwa!" He threw a shockwave across the room at Mr. L, and right away Mr. L swayed on the spot, feeling quite sickish already.

"We're gonna do whatever we want and you can't stop us!" Chills said in a mocking, sing-song voice.

"Come on!" Weird jumped up in the air. "Let's trash this place!"

"Woo!"

"Woo-hoo!"

"Party!"

There was a puff of smoke around each of the viruses, and when cleared Fever, Chills, and Weird were each surrounded by hundreds of tiny versions of themselves. "This way," Weird explained to O'Chunks, who was standing next to him, "We can do lots of things at once, and when we gather them back up it'll be like we were doing all those things in person."

"Uh... okay."

Chills pulled out a boombox and started playing rockin' party music. The rest of the viruses bounded out of the room, and moments later it sounded like they were tearing the castle apart. Crashes, bangs, shouts, and raucous laughter filled the castle.

"So... you infect people in order to party?" Count Bleck asked.

"Pretty much," Chills shouted over the noise. He had the boombox hefted up on one shoulder like a 90s punk. " If we don't have control over people, they don't let us do what we want. They can just pick us up and drop us outside and there's nothing stopping them."

There was a particularly loud crash from another room. "I got the cola cabinet open!" Weird called.

"Be right there!" Chills bounded out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

The rest of them just stared at the door blankly.

Suddenly Fawful began squirming wildly in Mr. L's arms. "Wait! Release Fawful!"

Mr. L relaxed his grip and Fawful jumped onto the ground. "They have no hold on Fawful," he said, quickly and excitedly. "That means that Fawful can slip out as quietly as wet bologna slapping bread and not be missed by nasty viruses!"

"Great, just abandon us," said Mimi.

"No! Do you not see? Fawful is quite brilliant at the creation of diseases, if he may be permitted to say that himself. A cure is the only way to remove the nasty viruses from trashing the Castle of Bleck for it will remove the tight, angry grip of them!"

"That's true," Mr. L said to Count Bleck. "If anyone can pull it off, it'll be this little guy."

"Yes! Fawful is already knowing what he may need to create this cure. Most of it is things Bleck is having in his very own pantry. Fawful would only need to leave to find two or maybe one things. Of course," he added cautiously, "it would be very dangerous for Fawful to go out as he is now... perhaps if he had his old body back, he would be able to complete this difficult task."

"Ah, so that's his game," said Dimentio.

"Game? There is no game? Fawful is not playing."

"I'm just saying, it seems awfully suspicious that we've had- what was it, Nastasia? Two thousand something dinners without issue, and now out of nowhere we've all got Splotchia and the only one who can save us is the guy who just happens to need something only our Count can give him in order to do it, the very thing he came for that he knew we may very well decide not to give him." Dimentio smiled smugly.

"2,495," said Nastasia.

"Pardon?"

"You asked for confirmation on two thousand something," Nastasia clarified

"It doesn't matter," said Dimentio.

"Then why did you ask?"

"I didn't, I was just- oh, never mind."

"Who needs a cure, eh?" O'Chunks flexed his chunks. "I'll just go out there and show 'em what a good chunkin' really means!" With that he stomped out of the room.

"Oh, my," said Tippi. "I can't see that ending well."

A moment later, a shivering five-inch-tall O'Chunks entered the room. "Me chunks are useless," he said sadly.

Count Bleck knelt down and looked Fawful in the eye. "I'm going to give you your body back," said Count Bleck. "I want you to tell me that you're going to return."

"Fawful will return," Fawful said cheerfully. "Never did it ever even ever cross the brilliant mind of Fawful to abandon the wonderful new friends he has made here to a terrible fate to suffer at the hands of mean viruses!"

Count Bleck swept his cape over Fawful. When he pulled it back, he revealed Fawful standing on the ground, completely restored. Fawful pulled apart his own large red cape to make sure he was all there. "Wow! I have joy! Here is Fawful, completely restored and ready for action!"

"Good luck," said Tippi.

Fawful nodded, and headed straight for the door. Just outside the room the Virus Bros had already made a huge mess. Fever saw him heading for the front door of the castle and bounced after him. "Hey! Hey!"

Fawful ignored him and kept moving.

Fever jumped and tried to land on Fawful's back, but he went right through him and hit the ground. "Ow!" He rubbed his backside. "What's this?" He took off after Fawful again. "You can't leave here!"

"Fawful is already in the process of leaving. There is no action you can take that would result in him stopping."

"Oh yeah?" He sent out a virus shockwave, but it had no effect on Fawful. In fact, Fawful acted as if he wasn't even aware it had happened. "Come back here!"

"Fawful knowns that bad red virus cannot touch him," said Fawful calmly.

"Arg!" Fever swung his fists out, but they went right through Fawful again. "Why can't I touch you?" Of course he knew very well why, but still.

Chills came up and put a hand on Fever's shoulder. "Ah, let him go. We've still got this huge castle to play in, and seven other toys that have to do everything we say if they don't want to ride the snot train to puke-ville."

"Yeah, I guess..."


	4. 16 dash 4

The virus party raged on for what seemed like forever. They had the castle residents running all over, fetching drinks, building cushion forts for them to destroy, and in every spare moment having them clean up the mess they were making so the Virus Bros could make a mess all over again. Anybody who refused found themselves holed up in bed with the worst bug you could imagine.

Count Bleck, Tippi, and Nastasia were catching a few minutes to breathe in the pantry where they were supposed to be getting sandwich fixings.

"Can't you brainwash them or something?" Tippi asked Nastasia desperately.

Nastasia shook her head. "Yeah, that's a big no on that one. Viruses don't have brains, so they can't be brainwashed."

"I'm about ready to just open up and suck them all into the abyss," Count Bleck grumbled as he searched for a good loaf of bread.

"Just hang on," Tippi reassured him. "Fawful will come back and get rid of them."

"Hey!" Weird shouted from the other room. "I'm getting hungry over here! Bring me some sammiches!"

Nastasia twitched slightly.

"Easy, girl," said Tippi. "Think of the chills."

"Think of the fever."

"Think of the weird."

Nastasia tucked a loaf of bread under her arm. "All right, all right." She opened the door and all three of them exited the pantry.

Weird was sitting on the kitchen table. When he saw them, he laughed. "Wow, I guess that makes Count Bleck the new Seven Minutes in Heaven champ!" He slapped his knee. "Seriously, though, I'm hungry. Make with the food or I make with the weird."

Nastasia gritted her teeth. "Right away, sir," she said venomously.

"I don't get it," said Tippi. "What's Weird talking about?"

"... Count Bleck will explain later."

As soon as Nastasia finished making a plate of sandwiches, Weird grabbed it and started bouncing away. "All right! Now we'll have just enough energy to finish remodeling the South Wing."

"Remodeling?" Count Bleck was not pleased.

The three of them chased after Weird. "What do you mean, remodeling?" Tippi demanded.

"Yeah, you haven't filed for any building permits. It takes three to five days to get any clearence!"

Weird waved his hands at them, making all of them as small as Goombettes.

"I think that's cheating," Count Bleck observed. "It's really not a virus power like the other two are."

"I know, but what are you gonna do?" Nastasia said with a shrug. "He kinda has the advantage in this situation."

"I think this whole thing is ridiculous," said Tippi.

It took them forever to catch up with the viruses. What they found when they did was not pretty. The three Virus Bros, as well as hundreds of their tiny virus clones, were swarming the south wing. In the Sun Room, they had gathered an enormous pile of bob-ombs, rob-ombs, and even mezzo bombs. All of these dangerous explosives were piled precariously in the middle of the room among the wicker furniture.

O'chunks was lying miserably on the wicker sofa. Mimi was scampering around the pile, trying to keep its various parts from slipping in case it ignited a spark that set the whole thing off. Dimentio sat on a wicker chair, drinking koopa tea and ignoring. Mr. L was watching helplessly.

"Aw, man," Fever was saying, "This is gonna be the coolest explosion ever."

"You'll level the whole castle," said Mr. L.

"I don't think so," said Chills. "But me, whatever, it ain't my castle. If we do, we'll just go party somewhere else."

"This has to stop," said Count Bleck. "Partying is bad enough, but it's not like we haven't had parties take over the castle before. It took me a lot of work to build this castle and I will not have you leveling it."

O'Chunks groaned, "Don't try an' stop them... they're ruthless."

Fever nudged O'Chunks. "You'd know, right, O'Chunks? Chunky? Chunky-boy. Oh, Chunky-lumpy-thumpy-chunk?"

Dimentio put his teacup and saucer on the wicker end-table by his chair. "My my, do you hear that?"

Everyone else looked up. Now that he mentioned it, they did hear that. It sounded a little like a light motor running and guffawing. It slowly grew louder and louder as whatever it was approached.

"Ah! I have joy!" Fawful, now complete with his Headgear of Doom, came flying into the room like a swooper outta Underwhere. "Fawful has returned!"

"So, whatjya bring me?" Mr. L asked playfully.

"Hey, it's that guy we can't touch!" Fever shouted.

"We missed one?" Weird seemed surprised.

"Do not be having the surprise," said Fawful. "Fawful did not taste the deliciousness of the forest mushrooms and has not become infected with whatever it is that gives you control over other people." Fawful threw one arm out, opening his cape. On his hip he had a net pouch stuffed full of gold-capped mushrooms. "These have been mixed with the this and that Fawful found to be making the cure. Eat! Eat and be healthy!" Fawful scooped out the mushrooms and threw one to each of the infected.

"Hey, stop!" Chills jumped in the air and tried to intercept the mushroom.

"Don't be stupid," said Fever. He bounced around from person to person, giving them all his terrible effect.

"Be strong," said Fawful. "Bite!"

Through the discomfort, they all managed to take a bite out of one of Fawful's mushrooms. Right away the fuschia spots began to fade, and their hunter green pallors reverted to their normal state.

With no one to affect, the tiny clone viruses disappeared in a puff of smoke.

O'Chunks, now feeling much better, got up and crossed his chunks. He glared down at the viruses. Spider-Mimi came up right behind him.

"Uh..." Fever held his hands up. "Now, let's not get too angry."

"Oh, don't worry," said Chills. "If we can't touch them anymore, how can they touch us?"

"Good point," said Dimentio. With a click of his fingers, the three viruses disappeared.

"Where'd you send them?" asked Tippi.

"Where I always send things. Dimension D."

"You do remember we've been using it as a trash dump for at least four months now, right?"

"Are you?" Dimentio took a sip of tea. "Hm. Well, I can't be bothered to keep up on all your activities." He clicked his fingers again, and the pile of bombs disappeared. "Well, as long as it's a dump for unwanted objects, we might as well send those off as well."

Mr. L stood on his toes and held his hand out for a hi-five. "Way to go, Fawful!" Fawful returned it and did a spin.

"Yeah," said Mimi, in her normal body again. "I didn't think you were gonna come back."

"Of course Fawful came back." Fawful put an arm around Mr. L. "Green Thunder Moustache and all of you have become friends of Fawful. To even think of abandoning you would make Fawful sick as if he had ingested the mushrooms of illness-making into his very own stomach."

"Interesting," said Dimentio. "So you can be yourself and be a good person at the same time."

"Of course," said Mr. L. "I never doubted you for a second."

"I have elation!" Fawful did a little twirl in the air. "It is so good to be Fawful!"

He landed on the ground and all the minions came around to congratulate him. It didn't seem possible, but Fawful was grinning even wider than ever before as he shook hands, went in for hugs, and accepted the congratulations of everyone around him. Tears of joy came to his eyes, from a joy greater than that which could be experienced by a henchman or a spider-legged bean head.

* * *

Count Bleck and Tippi stood on the front steps of Castle Bleck. They were saying one last goodbye to Fawful before sending him off. Fawful was hovering in the air a few feet away, wearing his stylish Headgear of Doom. Oh, how he'd missed the headgear, though he might have to change the name now that he no longer brought doom of any kind, not even in mustard form.

"So where are you going to go?" asked Tippi.

"Fawful will return to his old home in Beanbean Kingdom," said Fawful. "There he will put his knowledge of the creation and defeating of diseases to work as Doctor Fawful."

"That's wonderful," said Count Bleck. "Count Bleck couldn't be more pleased if he tried."

"Now Fawful must be saying the goodbyes, although they can't be long or drawn-out or Fawful will get tears on his delicious salad of delight which was made by un-tossing the salad of misery."

"I'll miss you, too," said Count Bleck.

"Fawful must tell the world how it came to be that the marvelous Count Bleck taught Fawful how to believe in himself and inspired him to greatness. How he wishes he could stay here with the Count, but the world is for Fawful to make good and now away he must go, off, into the darkness. Thank you again! A thousand million times!"

Count Bleck waved as Fawful zipped away, twirling and looping happily in the air. A few time Fawful turned around and waved, and Count Bleck kept waving back.

"So, could you understand him near the end of his stay, then?" asked Tippi.

"Not a word."

Count Bleck and Tippi laughed. Everything was going to be all right for the little bean man.


End file.
